You know a person has to walk across that knife edge at least once in his life time .It seems as if I just miss that one step I ll have a big fall but if I continue walking on that knife it hurts real bad. And then if I keep going further the edge becomes thinner and I feel that the pain will deepen, it’ll worsen and the traces will remain, these traces will tear me apart from my friends, my family and whoever I care about.
This kind of pain to endure is beyond my capacitance, but I feel I am driving myself crazy by living on self pity and denial.
To feel what I feel too hear what I hear to see what I see would be accepted if I was born in another situation, it would have been understood, it would have been justified it would have been supported, but nevertheless its my fault, to be what I am, maybe acceptance is what I search maybe answers are next. Why and how, that’s what comes to my mind, this godforsaken sickness in my mind to be driven away, for I can give it time, time for this scar to heal to dry then to whether away.
Is it ok to be different, not every apple from the orchard looks the same maybe it’ll be big or it might be small or it must be the shiniest of the lot, or it might be just this rotten piece of nothing. We all are different but can this difference be categorized into normal and abnormal, what defines these two, and when does this abnormality become extraordinary, sometimes this so called abnormality can be the greatest weapon that the individual has. The things that we teens term ‘wierd’ is possessed by the individual for some purpose I believe it has some mission.
Its always seen that this abnormality is usually feared if its unknown, or un witnessed but why don’t people understand what that individual fears, his fear is that his abnormality will be witnessed it’ll be disclosed and he will be hated. All I know is that I am not perfect and to be perfect it’ll be unreal, and being unreal is abnormal.
All I spoke about was the fear and the anxiousness, the uncertainty that one faces when he realizes his abnormality.
This has phases first is that of denial, then its that of pain and sorrow, then theres loneliness, then there’s the self acceptance, then there is release also termed as ‘coming out of the closet’, then it ends with the step of acceptance by your family, your friends, and then the mass. It takes time, everything needs to be mature for good taste, some even die in the process of removing that tag of abnormality, and the other lucky ones are accepted.
I wish all the best to those who agree and also to those who term them as a taboo as indeed they believe in what they do.
Try to respect yourself and also accept yourself, or else all you will land doing is hurt yourself.
(this blog was inspired by a show I saw recently on various so called abnormalities like homosexuality, dyslexia, anorexia, autism etc )
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Dogs and their ppl
Well the title must mistify you, well I know its supposed to be Ppl and their dogs but well the trend goes the other way round now. Well you can witness tht very well in Hollywood, where Oprah Winfrey doesnt enter a hotel without making sure the dogs get their own seperate room, well news reports say that she even takes a dog hairdresser along, well the dogs can have a bad hair day even, but looking at her recent hair-do it seems like shes actually taking inspiration from her dogs.
Its noticed that many couples who stay with each other for years seem to start looking like each other biggest eg would be Shahrukh Khan and his better half Gauri, he seems to be getting feminine day by day especially after his bath with bollywood hoties with Lux. Seems like I m going off track, all I meant with all this was that wht if dog owners start looking like their dogs ,thinking about that my dog too seems to look like me, well both of us have the cutest puppy eyes hehehe.. well other trates would be both of us love to sleep and eat, and ofcourse hate to drink milk except I trick him in drinking my milk by telling him I'd take him for a walk.
Just the other day when I went for a walk on Carter road I saw this guy with his st bernard, for people who are illiterate on the breeds of dogs, St Bernard is the same dog tht stared in Bethoven, this man must have been in his late 50s, huge and salt pepper hair, was actually drolling like his dog, the droll was a habit he caught on from his dog or it was just the bhel puri walla ahead him that instigated the drool, only god knows.
The dog and his master even had the same style of walking the take 2 steps and rest your ass style. Then there were somemore dogs in the dog pen one stood out, because it was wearing pig tails with pink ribbons, now her master wasnt in sight but he must undoubtedly be a colourful man if u know wht i mean.
But then dogs are really disiplined, taking my dog into consideration, he ll be awake the entire night,ofcourse sleep the whole morning, but then night time is the only time he gets to communicate with his cannine buddys on the roads, something he must have learnt from me,except my phone talks are is barks and howls.
Dogs are great dont you think,mans bestfriend,talk about the hutch dog, goes where ever the boy goes but then the network never seems to do the same thing somehow. Hmm dogs are actually picking up a lot from their human counterparts nowadays next thing you'll know they run the country, oh wait this country is already been run by some of them no offence if you belong to the category I am refering to.
So as I come to the end of this post I like to bow to all u guys reading this post, and a big bow-wow to your dogs..
Its noticed that many couples who stay with each other for years seem to start looking like each other biggest eg would be Shahrukh Khan and his better half Gauri, he seems to be getting feminine day by day especially after his bath with bollywood hoties with Lux. Seems like I m going off track, all I meant with all this was that wht if dog owners start looking like their dogs ,thinking about that my dog too seems to look like me, well both of us have the cutest puppy eyes hehehe.. well other trates would be both of us love to sleep and eat, and ofcourse hate to drink milk except I trick him in drinking my milk by telling him I'd take him for a walk.
Just the other day when I went for a walk on Carter road I saw this guy with his st bernard, for people who are illiterate on the breeds of dogs, St Bernard is the same dog tht stared in Bethoven, this man must have been in his late 50s, huge and salt pepper hair, was actually drolling like his dog, the droll was a habit he caught on from his dog or it was just the bhel puri walla ahead him that instigated the drool, only god knows.
The dog and his master even had the same style of walking the take 2 steps and rest your ass style. Then there were somemore dogs in the dog pen one stood out, because it was wearing pig tails with pink ribbons, now her master wasnt in sight but he must undoubtedly be a colourful man if u know wht i mean.
But then dogs are really disiplined, taking my dog into consideration, he ll be awake the entire night,ofcourse sleep the whole morning, but then night time is the only time he gets to communicate with his cannine buddys on the roads, something he must have learnt from me,except my phone talks are is barks and howls.
Dogs are great dont you think,mans bestfriend,talk about the hutch dog, goes where ever the boy goes but then the network never seems to do the same thing somehow. Hmm dogs are actually picking up a lot from their human counterparts nowadays next thing you'll know they run the country, oh wait this country is already been run by some of them no offence if you belong to the category I am refering to.
So as I come to the end of this post I like to bow to all u guys reading this post, and a big bow-wow to your dogs..
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The bus ride
Today was my first day in college. I was all excited to go, woke up late as usual but was ready in time. I usually catch a bus to go to college and catch it from bandra stn.
I reached the depot and I slowly proceeded towards the bus, people everywhere all that noise, I got a sudden jolt of terror I could feel the Goosebumps now, I could visualize the fear the noise and pain that must have happened on all those 7 stations on 7/11.
I got into the bus all the seats were occupied and there were people standing besides the seats, somehow I managed to get some place to stand. It was hot and the sun was bright must have been the regular 32 0c but it just didn’t seem to be the same anymore; all these regular people looked like zombies to me. I was a lady looking in my direction so I smiled but then she was starting into blank space. None spoke ,none laughed, all had just one expression on them, could be of fear, a fear of losing their loved one, a fear to have witnessed the entire tragedy, or just the fear of entering into this unprotected bus.
Like me they must believe in fate too I said to myself. The driver and the conductor reluctantly got into the bus. As the conductor started giving out the tickets the driver started the bus. We moved on.
The bus came to a sudden halt which made a lady’s purse fall I picked it up and gave it to her with many thoughts running in my mind like should I touch the bag, what must be inside it, is she hiding it somewhere. I focused my attention on the road but my subconscious mind was still on the bag, thinking if those people would have been alert enough, if just one of them could keep his eyes open and have paid attention to why the man with a bag jumped out without it. So many questions with so little time.
I finally got to sit at a ladies seat half way through the journey. I noticed the girl beside me; she was draped with a scarf around her face. This was a cultural difference that existed between me and her but my fearful brain dropped in various questions again.
And they were can she be trusted, why is she clutching her bag pack that hard, is she a student just like me then what has she learnt. This happens when one fears death and wants to protect oneself so bad that forgets his own fellow men. I apologized to her from within and looked ahead I saw that my stop was now close by, it was time to say goodbye.
I got down and looked back at the bus, nothing had changed although people had left and new people had come they all had the very same look on their face.
The look of being unsafe……
Sneha Gokarn.
I reached the depot and I slowly proceeded towards the bus, people everywhere all that noise, I got a sudden jolt of terror I could feel the Goosebumps now, I could visualize the fear the noise and pain that must have happened on all those 7 stations on 7/11.
I got into the bus all the seats were occupied and there were people standing besides the seats, somehow I managed to get some place to stand. It was hot and the sun was bright must have been the regular 32 0c but it just didn’t seem to be the same anymore; all these regular people looked like zombies to me. I was a lady looking in my direction so I smiled but then she was starting into blank space. None spoke ,none laughed, all had just one expression on them, could be of fear, a fear of losing their loved one, a fear to have witnessed the entire tragedy, or just the fear of entering into this unprotected bus.
Like me they must believe in fate too I said to myself. The driver and the conductor reluctantly got into the bus. As the conductor started giving out the tickets the driver started the bus. We moved on.
The bus came to a sudden halt which made a lady’s purse fall I picked it up and gave it to her with many thoughts running in my mind like should I touch the bag, what must be inside it, is she hiding it somewhere. I focused my attention on the road but my subconscious mind was still on the bag, thinking if those people would have been alert enough, if just one of them could keep his eyes open and have paid attention to why the man with a bag jumped out without it. So many questions with so little time.
I finally got to sit at a ladies seat half way through the journey. I noticed the girl beside me; she was draped with a scarf around her face. This was a cultural difference that existed between me and her but my fearful brain dropped in various questions again.
And they were can she be trusted, why is she clutching her bag pack that hard, is she a student just like me then what has she learnt. This happens when one fears death and wants to protect oneself so bad that forgets his own fellow men. I apologized to her from within and looked ahead I saw that my stop was now close by, it was time to say goodbye.
I got down and looked back at the bus, nothing had changed although people had left and new people had come they all had the very same look on their face.
The look of being unsafe……
Sneha Gokarn.
My CV
This is my very first blog i know "jutte maro" but then atleast I made a start.
Lets start by intoducing myself, I m this care a damn rock punk engg student currently in the second year quiet avg otherwise but an exceptional dresser, my friends gotta really comment on this......hehehe. I love to sing and listen to music, and ofcourse collect music.
Life for me has always been cool, well maybe coz i have learnt to not take it for granted, my advise to u all never take it for granted. Live every minute and enjoy every second.
Dont worry I have never had a Face off with the dark side but yeah been heartbroken to see the pain of a loved one. I love to crack jokes,and no its not to hide pain but to make this world a happier and better place to live in.........hehe tht means I m a gud samaritan eh!!!!
I wanna learn the basic funda of life, this curiosity has always be within me. Well seriously i believe ppl live in phases, the gud phases and the bad, the dry and the nail biting ones, so you experience pleasure in some and u despice some but u have to live them all to the fullest...
Yes i get down, feel lonely,feel sad,angry,hurt, now those are the basic emotions of life, i never go crying to ppl bout it, hate drama queens, sometimes even say cheesy statments as Be cool and not a fool!!!! well see an avg soon to be 19 yr old with long curly hair and torn jeans...
And life rocks credits
all my friends............ your comments
Lets start by intoducing myself, I m this care a damn rock punk engg student currently in the second year quiet avg otherwise but an exceptional dresser, my friends gotta really comment on this......hehehe. I love to sing and listen to music, and ofcourse collect music.
Life for me has always been cool, well maybe coz i have learnt to not take it for granted, my advise to u all never take it for granted. Live every minute and enjoy every second.
Dont worry I have never had a Face off with the dark side but yeah been heartbroken to see the pain of a loved one. I love to crack jokes,and no its not to hide pain but to make this world a happier and better place to live in.........hehe tht means I m a gud samaritan eh!!!!
I wanna learn the basic funda of life, this curiosity has always be within me. Well seriously i believe ppl live in phases, the gud phases and the bad, the dry and the nail biting ones, so you experience pleasure in some and u despice some but u have to live them all to the fullest...
Yes i get down, feel lonely,feel sad,angry,hurt, now those are the basic emotions of life, i never go crying to ppl bout it, hate drama queens, sometimes even say cheesy statments as Be cool and not a fool!!!! well see an avg soon to be 19 yr old with long curly hair and torn jeans...
And life rocks credits
all my friends............ your comments
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